Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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