my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
