I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
