Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
