i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
