During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
