Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
