He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
sex in a hospital.. check
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
