I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
