We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
