Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
