The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
