dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
