24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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