walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
