Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
