11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
