I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
