O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
