I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
