thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
