david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
