Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
