Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
