Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Hippo gnu deer
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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