East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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