I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
