I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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