My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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