My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
