I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
