Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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