I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
