I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
