i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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