I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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