Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
