I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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