How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
