Church boner. Awkwardddd
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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