it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
