Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
