Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
