I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
