Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
