bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
