I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
