well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
