we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
