Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
