thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sext me about skeletons
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
