Hey man sorry I got all grabby
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
