Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
